Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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