Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
