He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
