How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
How naked do you want me to be?
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