I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
