I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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