Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
