what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
