Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
