I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
