I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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