He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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