Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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