I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
