Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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