think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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