I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
