I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
