You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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