You made me cry and you don't even care
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
