Where is the hickey?
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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