Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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