found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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