you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
