thus making me awesome and them whores
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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