I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
