I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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