we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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