Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
