sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
