Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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