Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
