I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
