Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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