The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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