I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
