that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
