All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Oh god it's open bar.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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