You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
