Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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