I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
