hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
