So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
