You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
