he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I just want nice things and good sex
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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