just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
