I feel great
I just peed on a car
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
