I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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