yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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