Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
