so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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