They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
