You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
