i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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