Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
