worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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